Monday, March 31, 2008

Courage is the place between fear and faith

I sit at 4:45 a.m. on a still Saturday morning with a white goose down comforter draped gently over my shoulders and arms. My wrists and hands stroke the keyboard but appear disconnected from my body as they protrude from the whiteness. That disconnectedness feels symbolic of the scattered life I am living and the whole life I want to live.

The phrase “All for the Greater Honor and Glory of God” rings in my ears from my catholic school upbringing. Etched in the letters in the church archway, it left an indelible mark on my soul and self. It is a mark I am completely confident is good. I’m working too much. I miss my children. I don’t want them home alone after school.
Where is the courage I need to be honest with my feelings? Where is the courage to help me stand up for my vision of a world where young people are respected, empowered, and embraced ? Where is the courage I need to enact my vision of a world where women are inspired and strengthened while their children are safe and successful? When do I start dedicating time toward my vision of peace in this world?

Am I strong enough to move from “this is what I do” to “this is who I am?” I’ve worked at CommonBond for 10 years - the longest I have ever been anywhere. Just last year, after a life-altering trip to Costa Rica, the energy inside me shifted. I stopped grasping for the validation that a paycheck can bring and sought out the courage to trust that I must focus my energy on what I want more of. As I block more time for my children and less time for work from home the shift continues. I begin to trust that everything is perfect. I begin to realize that courage IS that place between fear and faith that moves us from who we are to who we are suppose to be. And, the only way I can experience the movement is to DO MORE of what I want more of in my life and DO LESS of what I want less of. Simple? Yes. But I must remain deliberate, determined deborah.

I must break out of old patterns, routines and behaviors that steal my time. I must trust myself! I must have the courage to be inspired by my children while I incubate my vision of their world. I must have no regrets. Everyday I will remind myself that LOVE creates LOVE.

1 comment:

Jennifer Griffin-Wiesner said...

Beautiful...just like you.

Are you coming to Women Well this weekend?